i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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