I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
