I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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