I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
