how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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