I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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