Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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