mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
