I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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