Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
