they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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