3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
