Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
