Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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