if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
