I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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