I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
