Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
