I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
