i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
