My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
