Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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