Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
