My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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