My balls are so social today.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
