I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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