So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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