I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
