i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She needs sedatives and a leash
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
