Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
