My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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