Small penises have feelings too.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
