nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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