I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
