I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
