i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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