my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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