My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
