Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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