I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
