Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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