i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
