Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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