He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
