All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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