Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And then he peed in my hair
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