I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
