Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
