Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
