i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
