i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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