I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
