would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I could fuck to npr.
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