omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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