Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize