I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
