I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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