my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
