I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
