she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
