Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
