I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize