so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
