it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
