Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
