just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
