She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
