fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
