So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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