Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
